spiritual awakening

Rainbow in the Rough: A Lesson in Tough Love

It is my personal belief that we incarnate into situations and themes that are geared to introduce us to the parts of ourselves that do not yet know & trust God. Life does not happen to us.  Life happens because of us. Action combined with Divine intuition has the power to create anything.

When I was a little girl I felt very “in tune” with this Divine intuition.  Many children do. However this intuitive connection often goes un-nurtured.  As mine did.  Don’t get me wrong, my parents loved me.  But with most parents, they were too busy with work, my siblings and the day to day hustle and bustle of life.

I have always been fascinated with the mystical world of energy and metaphysics because I was starving for explanations for the feelings I had as a child and the colorful displays that would dance before my eyes that no one else seemed to be aware of.  I felt alone. But when these colors, these sparkles of energy would visit me, I felt safe.  I felt love. Fascinating conversations I would have with my “self” and before I knew it, my “self” was talking back to me.  I would later come to realize that these colors, these sparkles were my angels, my guides and they were keeping me “in-tune” with my higher self, with God.  By the time I reached my pre-teens these brilliant displays of Divine Light gradually stopped. OR I just quit listening.  I was so turned off by organized religion and I had no other spiritual avenue to explore for answers to what I was experiencing.  Science provided logical explanations and so I began to dismiss the whole thing claiming that it was just tricks of the eye.  I felt alone and misunderstood.  My mainly I felt tricked by God.

Depression and teenage angst soon got the best of me. Trying to reconnect with what I felt as a child, I turned to drugs.  My grades plummeted and it’s a wonder I even graduated high school. But I didn’t care. Well really I did. But you know how our defense mechanisms can fool us.  Especially in our wonder years.  I felt that what I was learning on my “trips” was teaching me so much more that what I could ever learn in school.  A large part of me respected LSD because it seemed to be providing me with validation to what  I was already seeing and knew to be true while simultaneously giving me the confidence to explore this otherworldly state and not give a shit what anyone else thought of me.

This otherworldly state felt more like home to me than regular waking life. That is until a very close friend pointed out to me that one of my greatest talents was my ability to be a good friend and that the one person I was not being a good friend to was myself.  I was looking for a spiritual  connection with material substances.  I wasn’t craving the high that comes from drugs.  I was craving the high that comes from Self Love and Acceptance. I was craving the love of God.

My new book, The Living Rainbow, began as a short story I wrote for my son.  He reminds me of myself as a child.  He is extremely sensitive, empathetic, and has the ability to see energy, colors.  He automatically referred to these colors as the angels.  It was always my intention to raise him with the understanding of metaphysics but when he actually used the word angel, there was a visceral response within my body. I have come to recognize such responses as Spirit’s way of saying “Listen Up. This is important”!

My son goes to a private Christian school.  I don’t always agree with the doctrine but I do love the fact that they incorporate God into everything.  One day he was very upset when he got home from school.  He resisted telling me why at first.  Later on that evening he said “Mommy. They told me that I am not allowed to love anyone or anything more than God. But I love you and daddy.”  Tears rolled down his little 5 year old cheeks.  I hugged him and said “Sweetie. God lives in our hearts. Everyones heart. Not just some people, but Everyone. And if God lives within our  hearts, then guess what?  The more you are loving them, the more you are loving God. So you just go ahead and love anyone and anything as much as you want.”  This gave him so much comfort and relief.

What the fuck! 

As a bodyworker, I am very familiar with how our body energetically & vibrationally holds onto every experience we have; conscious and subconscious.  You can imagine the negative energetic response that would occur within our physical body if we experience the un-allowance of letting our love flow freely to the people and things that we most deeply want to share it with.  Sadly in many instances the main person we hold back from freely loving is ourself:  The I AM.  God is within us. God is us!  God is not separate from us. God is not some cosmic peeping tom that wants to be worshipped.

Again. What the fuck!

I know that the teenage years are filled with exploration and experimentation. But I definitely do not want my child to “experiment” the way I did. I  mean- I’m lucky to be alive!  But I want him to find himself in whatever pathway he chooses.  But maybe we don’t have to “find” ourselves if we never “lose” ourselves.   So I wrote this book.  I wanted to provide parents with a tool to help empower their kids and themselves with the survival skill of Divine Self Love.   I thought it would be great to write a book about our chakras, our emotional centers, and begin to introduce these metaphysical concepts while he was still so young.

I actually never intended for The Living Rainbow to rhyme.  But Spirit did.  The fact that it does rhyme is Divine confirmation that I was never alone during those bewildering teenage years. I was never alone even when I was hating God. You see, God has always been there; within me. Never judging, always loving.   When I was fifteen, I wrote a poem for my English class.  I admit the poem was pretty out there, but I was proud of it.  I even volunteered to read it aloud.  My teacher laughed at me and said that it sounded like I had been to one too many Grateful Dead shows. I was humiliated and I never wrote poetry again. That is until now.

There is a Divine Unity among all walks of Life. This book is how I have personally reconciled my own tug of war of loving who I AM and shining my light in the way I feel called.  Science brought me back to God.  Buddha taught me how to love and accept Jesus. There is no wrong way to experience the love of God.

God’s love is the living water and our chakra system is our living rainbow; How our Light shines through the Water is a reflection on how much we love who we are.

Everything that I have ever experienced in Life has brought me to and will continue to bring me to  what I AM “now”.  Living in the moment is challenging. However when I AM able to be in the “now” magic happens!  Every instant is divinely ordained and working out for  our greatest good.  The challenge is recognizing the lessons for the Love that they really are.  Our seeming disappointments are actually blessing in disguise.

I now know that God did not trick me.  God just happens to know what a stubborn ass  I AM and that this wild journey of self discovery would lead me back to His loving Grace, to my authentic self. It’s a practice and I am always learning. But now I know more of who I AM and to know thyself is to know God.

Although The Living Rainbow is geared towards children, adults love it too.  If we can teach our kids how to stay in-tune and listen to their heart, follow intuition and pay attention how how they are feeling, I believe we can change the face of medicine as we know it.

I am excited to announce The Living Rainbow was featured at the Hay House I Can Do It Conference in Baltimore last June!

What a long, strange trip it’s been!

And so it is.

If you are interested in purchasing The Living Rainbow, you can buy it at